You Shouldn't Have: 6 of the Worst V-Day Gifts
This piece originally appeared on Refinery29.com.
Whether your relationship is in the exciting lavish-gifts and loving-declarations phase, or the comfortably long-term, "mumbling at each other while you watch your shows" phase, you should know Valentine's Day is fast approaching. And with it, the attendant pressure of getting him or her something that truly expresses your feelings, your everlasting desire, and your hopes for the future.
Just to be clear: The gifts ahead won't accomplish those things at all. They're weird and crappy, and sometimes borderline offensive (looking at you, "hilarious" chocolate scale and crack-flaunting cutout panties). Avoid gifts like these and you're already halfway to a successful V-Day. Your anti-shopping guide awaits.
Sweet But Not Sweet
Chocolates are usually a can't-lose on V-day, but if you try to get cute and chocolate-shame your boo with this découpage bathroom scale, may you spend an eternity in hell being poked by Russell Stover, Ferrero, Rocher, and the M&M who always looks high.
The worst part: This scale is currently sold out, which means a lot of people actually thought this was funny.
Art de Toilette Bittersweet Scale, $95, available at Uncommon Goods.
The Wrong Message
Your love for him or her is an everlasting fire. Celebrate it with a gift that says, "The post office was literally the only thing open."
USPS Forever Hearts Framed Art, $29.95, available at USPS.
The figurine holding an "I [Heart] You" sign inside this terrarium is available in a variety of genders and skin tones, so now every person can envision themselves as tiny, lonesome love-peddlers to an unhearing world.
Twig Terrariums Love Grows Here Terrarium, $85, available at Uncommon Goods.
A Key Chain
This keychain comes in a gift box that says, "I'm nuts about you." Things wrong with this gift: A: Corny pun. B: Utterly emotionally stunted way of expressing sentiment. Oh, and C: It's a f'n keychain.
Vilmain I'm Nuts About You Key Ring, $19, available at Amazon.